or better!Classic Smak =
or better!
GMT- That was a weak attempt to try and boost your ratings. The idea of your own page is lame. I like you but you can't do it by yourself. Just be yourself and not worry about the four star ratings, they will take care of themselves. Spartacus Speaks is about as entertaining as watching Dave choosing a dozen doughnuts at Dunkin Donuts. Know your role and be yourself! Excellent take on the Ruffles. Robert will take care of your stars, you just have to earn them. I am still waiting on mine. It must take alot or maybe an unfair trade in his favor (kidding Robert). Getting a four star using Dave or the Great Asshole (who is in hiding) should be easy.
Robert- I am in favor of a section for "CLASSIC SMAK" maybe on the home page. Maybe have it listed by star ratings or something. I think this is what Ken is looking for. I can speak for Bennie that he would be in favor of this. Please give me, us, feedback of course at your earliest convience please and thank you. Hundley got the Rat. Would you please slow your HR pace up !!!!!!!!
Bennie- Sorry for stealing your smak, but I gave you 12 hours for input, which is the legal time limit and you failed to do so. Don't hold it against me, I am trying to get my ratings up on here like Ken.
Dave- Look at the standings! I know I have a hollow team, but I am on your ass ( obviously not all of it ) if my pitching does half-way decent your Twinkie ass is mine. So put the Snackwells down, they wont help anyway, and start watching your back.
MMM- Start paying attention to the football minicamps, YOU ARE SO DONE!!!!! Remember, Barry is still retired!!
Great Asshole- You have been done.
TEAM 2000
star rating??????
Dear Team 2000, (This is a dear Jon letter)
I really have been dissappointed in you lately. Your behavior shows obvious signs of jealously, envy, & a need for attention. Do you know what your problem is? It's simple: YOU'RE WANTING IN A MAN'S WORLD, BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE IT !!! Problem #1: For years you have never achieved victory in ANY Gator Sports competition. Your reaction #1: You pick on the weak (3M & GG) because you can't play with the Big Dogs (nothing personal 'Big' Dave); this shows lack of class. Problem #2: You desire immortality on the Smakline but can't have it. Reaction #2: You "over-smak" & try to hard; kind of like Pete Rose wanting back into baseball. Problem #3: You join other weak competitive events like BASS FISHING TOURNEY & CO-ED FATASS SOFTBALL LEAGUES in an attempt to put some worthless trophy on your work desk or home coffee table to impress others. Reaction #3: Instead of winning the BASS TOURNEY you end up at Captain D's or Long John Silver's ordering a 2.99 Fish basket. Instead of "going yard" against overweight women playing softball you fall back to your .519 batting average. Just remember according to Maddux/Glavine: "Chicks dig the long-ball". Problem #4 (most importantly): You have no originality or the ability to create. Reaction #4: You copy ideas and keep "kicking the dead horse". What am I saying? It takes "a lot of material to cover Diamonds ass"; get some NEW jokes, NEW material, NEW ideas, & start singing a NEW song.
In conclusion about you out smaking the GMT: I will not retreat, I will not surrender & I will meet my competition face to face. I'm preparing my INDUCTION SPEECH for the SMAK HALL OF FAME !!! So I expect to see you standing beside Pete Rose crying (as I speak of course), "I want in the Hall like the GMT."
GMT rocks !!! Coming soon will be Spartacus Speaks page GMT rocks !!! GMT rocks !!! GMT rocks !!! GMT rocks !!! GMT rocks !!! GMT rocks !!! GMT rocks !!! GMT rocks !!! Let it be written, Let it be done.......... GMT rocks !!!
GMT- That was a nice take if you have a simple mind. Have you ever won in Gator Sports? If so, congrats, if not blow me. I can say what I want when I want. Obviously you have not been paying attention: #1 I have already went after Robert (the legend in G. Sports) on "The trade". #2 I make a living going after Dave. #3 Bennie and I are probably related. #4 MMM and Great Asshole talked trash and I have a duty to respond to them daily. #5 Do I need to go any further, I did not think so. Refresh my memory, who was "CRYING" about his own smak, hhmmm, I think it was YOU!!!! You are cleaning up the garbage trying to get in the hall of fame. You only show up once a week to try and get in a sucker punch and it still doesn't work. So leave the "cool one-liners" alone because that won't get you anywhere. Get back to the old Ken. Forget your Spartass Speaks shit! How many analogies can you make with resteraunts? Should you find new material, YES!!!!! Why don't you try a Wal-Mart thing or something. My average in Softball is currently .676 by the way. Fishing ROCKS. Chicks dig the long ball, who is leading the pack right now, ME... What place are you in in HR's (homeruns)? THAT HAS TO HURT. So try your shit on someone else because that dog won't bark over here. I created "The Man's World". By the way, the fishbasket is 3.99 unless you super size it for .60 more.... Anyways, I have to go right my "Induction Speech." I am out of here!
TEAM 2000
( How does it feel to be SMACKED around?)
TO ALL WHOM CARE:
ITS GETTING CLOST TO THE END OF THE MOTH,AND I HAVE BEEN IN SOCH A GIVING MOOD PUSSIBLY TO MOVE MADDUCKS,BUT ALAS THERE SEAMS TO BE VERY LITTLE INTERRERIST.MADDUCKS IS THE SECUNT LEADING PUTCHER IN THE LEAGUE,AND PORBABLY THE PSY-YUNG AWARD WEINER THIS SEASON.FOR 50% OF THE LEAGUE THAS MAE BE YUR ONLY ILLEGITIMATE SHOT AT TITTLE CUNTENTION OR JEST A PEACE OF THE MOANEY.
IF YOUR AFRAID SAY YOUR AFRAID,IF I INTIMIDATE YOU SAY MR BASEBALL INTIMIDATES ME,IF YOU WANT TO BE A CONTENDER SAY "SHOW ME THE M$$$$X!"
ONEEYES WIDE SHUT-YOUR PITCHING STAFF IS JUST FINE,SECOND RATE MAYBE,BUT JUST FINE AND OBVIOUSLY THAT LEAVES YOU OUT.
CHUMPERS-YOU NEED MADDUX TO WIN,BUT A PLACE IN THE MONEY IS STILL POSSIBLE SO YOU HAVE TO WEIGH WHAT IS MORE INPORTANT TO YOU MONEY OR BEATING ME.POWER IS WHAT I REQUIRE IN RETURN.
TEAM 1/2000-WHAT CAN I SAY YOUR TEAM IS AWESOME ON THE OFFENSIVE,BUT YOUR PITCHING STAFF IS SUSPECT,SO LIKE THUMPER YOU NEED MADDUX TO WIN.DONT LET YOUR BIG LEAGUE CHEW PARALIZE YOUR LIPS.I REQUIRE POWER NOTHING LESS.
GRANDSTANDMASTER-I SNICKERED,NO I FELL OUT AND LAUGHED WILDLY AT ALL YOUR PITCHING SELECTIONS AT THE DRAFT,BUT AS THE SEASON PROGRESSES THE LAUGHS FADE TO WONDER,SO THAT LEAVES HOPE.THE FACT REMAINS THOUGH YOU NEED MADDUX OR EQUIV. TO CONTEND FOR MONEY,AND SINCE YOU GAVE THROUGH THE ARSE A MONTH AGO IM SURE THAT PROBABLY LEAVES YOU OUT UNLESS YOU CAN WRANGLE POWER AND STOLEN BASES???
IF YOU CANT RUN WITH THE MADDOGS THEN DONT GET OFF THE BUS-GET YOUR DINKIE OUT OF THE GREYHOUND STOCK AND CALL ME,BUT PLEASE WHEN YOUR 5 MINUTES ARE UP DEPOSIT 60 MORE CENTS.PLAIN AND SIMPLE YOU NEED MADDUX OR EQUIV.....PS I AM STILL KICKING SO DONT GIVE ME UP FOR DEAD.
RBEYES NARROWLY OPEN-YOUR PITCHING STAFF SUCKS.MAKE ME AN OFFER THAT I CANT REFUSE.POWER TO THE DIAMONDS*POWER TO THE DIAMONDS (SUNG TO POWER TO THE PEOPLE).YOU GET THE IDEA.
DOORMETS MILLENIUM BUST-I HEAR THINGS ARE REAL HOT BELOW THE SURFACE,THE SURFACE BEING ANY POSITION IN THE STANDINGS OTHER THAN LAST.YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CHANCE LAST MONTH.YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER.C'EST LA VIE!!!!!PS-YOU CAN STILL MAKE OFFER THOUGH I NEED A GOOD BELLY SHAKIN KNEE SLAPPIN AND SIDE ACHIN LAUGH.
GREAT GOOBER,DORK,JACKASS,ASSHOLE,SCMUCK,DICKHEAD,SLAPNUTS,CHEESEDICK-THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE SHONE ME IS YOU WANT TO IMPALE YOUR THROAT ON MY BIG UNIT(NO DISRESPECT TO RANDY J. ONEI).YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOURSELF IF YOU ARE AFRAID TO SMAK BACK AT ME,MUCH LESS HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO SUCH ANYWAY.YOU ARE A PERRENNIAL LOSER DOUCHE BAG.GET YOUR NUTS OUT OF YOUR THROAT.ACKNOWLEDGE ME,LOOK UP TO ME,YOU F#@KING PUSSY,BECAUSE THE ONLY THINGS YOU WILL SEE IS MY CAHONES SLAPPING YOUR CHIN.AURILIA AND VAN DER WAL FOR POKEY AND HENDERSON.
SINCE SMAK IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT DISREGARD ANY PORTION THAT MIGHT OFFEND YOU,EXCEPT YOU GREAT GOOBER EVERYTHING I SAID IS WITHSTANDING UNTIL YOU HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME TO KISS SOMEONE ELSES ASS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NONE.
TIME IS RUNNING OUT ON MADDUX TRADES.THE LONGER I STAY ON TOP THIS MONTH THE SLIMMER THE CHANCES OF A TRADE.
MR BASEBALL HAS SPOKEN...HEH HEH HEH
I see the children are on the line again. Why in the hell is everyone worried about the Mul-trash deal. Who the hell cares, it's done. I did what I had to do. All of you kiss my ass! As far as any trade involving Sosa, especially that trash thumped offered, will be under heavy review. So if you make a trade, they are not official until the "commisioner's" agree. "If" my pitching does decide to ever come around, I will make my run to the top. Hammonds is on fire for 1-eye, Vina going to the DL, Sosa is staying put (in our league too), the "HO" is pitching out of his ass. Biggest busts, Lima, Wagner, Astros, and Shelling. One-eye, Griffey is not a bust, Wood is. I will take Griffey from you if you do not want him.
Great JungleLover- I see you still can't keep that hole under your nose closed. You are so entertaining to listen to, everything you say is ridiculous. I want you to do me a favor, get a dictionary out and look-up, dickhead, see if your picture is there! Learn to type and spell.
Robert- All trades are reviewed first. What's up with the new rule. Does that mean you can trade for anything basically, but obviously has to be fair, right? My vote coming later.
GMT- Make me an offer?
MMM- Worry about not hitting the soapdish when you are in one of those "long" showers. Quit wasting your time with Mul-trash. Let me say this to all of the jackasses on here, "Mul-trash sucks, he pitches for the Braves, does it look like I care about ERA?" Enough.
Dave- How is you "see-food" diet coming?
I am the MAN with a cycle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
TEAM 2000 ( above everyone)
Thank you for the responses in regards "Need For Speed" (spin off 'Need for Greed' on FOX). It is very obvious I can part with speed & I intend to take action at the end of the month.
Team 2000 --- Glad to hear you're on the smakline sounding like the normal human you are. For awhile I thought you were "Playing a little too deep". Good job. You've taken a few steps inward and are now off the warning track. "We want you on that wall, We need you on that wall....". Your last smak is your good material. 3-star ***
GG & 3M --- Hey rooks, my hat (a Ping hat to be exact) is off to both of you. Way to stay competitive. I like my customers happy since I will be either a WIN, PLACE, or SHOW at the end of the year. I consider you good guys. There are only 2 sounds between us. The sound of your mouth saying/typing something stupid. And the sound of your cash going into my pocket. Thank you both in advance.
One Eye --- If I was wise I'd play opposite your Baseball Weekly's then go directly to the bank.
Thumpers --- Don't get too happy yet. Dave will fall. But someone will make a run at you.
RBI --- Where are you dude?
Les --- Drink one for me buddy. As I type I bet (-1200 of course) that you are either drinking or wanting to drink right now. Yes, I'm right.
Who is the weirdo with the U U U U U U crap? Who are you? Prince? Put down the Prince albums and play your role in life. Go with the cards God dealt you. It must be frustrating being a pair of 3's in a world that requires Jack's or better to open.
GMT Spartans >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> OUT
MMM- Looking at your team, you sure do have alot of red numbers on your team. You do know the only time red numbers are good is in football? I know it's early, but D-Jack has better numbers than Goodwin. You sure are the king of trades, yeah right, jackass trades. hahahahahahahah. How does it feel to be in last? Never been there. I guess you see my team moving up the leaderboard. Don't commit suicide yet, you still have time to spend money. D-Jack and Gagne, what flavor sucker are you? I am guessing lemon because that is the color of your spine and your underware with pis stains from making a bad bet. It's guys like you that make this league fun and finacially worth it. I am going to predict your first five picks of the football draft:
Round 1- Barry Sanders (only because this will make you think you are a genius)
Round 2- Rae Carruth (thinking he'll escape)
Round 3- Charlie Ward (praying he'll return)
Round 4- Rodney Peete (a solid proven back-up and he's fast like Goodwin)
Round 5- Brian Barker (hoping for an injury to Hollis)
In other words, you will lose in football also, bottomline!
TEAM 2000 (calling them as I see them)
*- Clemens is looking for Piazza by the way
Mr. Pickem --- It's about time you got the smakline open. Just remember buddy,"Build it and they will come".
Mr. 64" --- 1st in standings, last in smak. You have set the mark. Like James Earl Jones said in Field of Dreams,"Baseball is the one constant in America." Well you are the one constant in this league and the one constantly munchin' the chips. Build a Gold's gym,"Will you go if it is built?"
One-Nut --- Your new name is One-Season-Wonder, a flash in the pan buddy. Screw Junior & that Roid head Big Daddy Mac.
Les --- Drink one for me. Drink one for the Thumpers. Drink one for T-2000. Drink one for One-Season. Drink one for __________. Drink one for ____________(you can fill in the blanks Mad Dog). I'm knocking down a Black Butte Porter right now buddy. I kicked ass in my Axis & Allies game with the guy from work. No contest.
T-2000 --- Rack him again. You are fighting to the end. I'm pulling for you buddy, I hope you grab a 3rd. More importantly you have had a GREAT SMAK SEASON !!! Good job. Gator Sports owes you. You deserve a new contract, but don't hold out or back on us.
3M & Prince U --- Thanks for being you. 'Cause you keep me out of the cellar.
In conclusion (this sounds like a damn farewell speech or something), my team sucks & I'm without excuse. Why? No big injuries, no bad trades. What the hell happened? A bunch of sour grape players in the 2nd half. Pitching sucks, etc. So close in many categories, but to no ends. I am the Baseball Weekly Champion, I will defend my football title & I will get a piece of Carib's ASS too. I almost busted their ass up to $600 from $15. Robert I have $47 on the way to "tease" my way to the top.
GMT Spartans is ALWAYS the crowd favorite. Choose GMT this November election year.
First of all, I would like to thank everyone for attending and I ask that you hold all questions till the end of the conference. Second, I would like to thank the officers on the GSU panel, the officers on the JAFFL panel, and of course, the owners for a wonderful 8 years. This announcement comes at a bad time given my recent venture into the post season, again. I feel I have accomplished everything I set out to do in my tenure with this organization. All of my players have been loyal and most of all, treated me with respect and played hard. The owners have been great to be around. It is ashame that a few could not attend who helped build this empire, Justin and Shannon. They will always be a part of the foundation. After clinching the division last night and a trip to the post season, this will be more difficult than imagined. I hereby announce that effectively at the end of my post season, I will be retiring. I feel that the league is going in a different direction than I. Also and my accomplishments are unprescedented. This league has brought me fame, fortune, and friends, but unfortunately, maybe have lost a friend in the mix. Nevertheless, after the good and bad, and talking it over with my family, we decided now was the time. I have spent many years making this league what it is today and making it a success too. I would hate to see it go boring or run into the ground. In closing, thanks again for the memories and the enjoyment that the original JAFFL has brought to me. That is all I have. I have time for a few questions now:
Peter King- What are your future intensions in fantasy sports?
Jon- Nothing at the moment. I will be addressing them in the winter. I am a fan of the boys of summer though.
John Clayton- What are your immediate future plans?
Jon- GOLF, GOLF, and more GOLF!!!!!!!!!!!
Chris Mortenson- Are you satisfied with your recent decision? Who will get the torch?
Jon- Yes, I am satisfied at 99%, it could be 100% in three weeks. You will wait to find out the torch bearer in a few minutes at the award ceremony.
Sterling Sharpe- Jon, first I would like to say that I enjoyed playing with you for the two years I spent there. Do you have any regrets?
Jon- Two. One is I would have liked to win one more time and second I will miss the action that comes with being an owner.
touchdown.com ( finished)